it's 3am:

You ever get so lonely that you go on a random chat room and talk to people about random shit just to feel like you're not alone? I just got done doing that. It's interesting. I think most people who go in chat rooms now during the weekend are lonely because if they weren't they'd be out having fun or being accompanied by someone. The internet can be a fix for someone who has nothing to do and would like to have a conversation or feel like they have company, somewhat. Like there are plenty of forums with conversations going on 24/7, web cams can give off the "you're right in front of me," feel, porn sites, dating websites, etc.....so yeah.

At times I wonder why I am such a loner. I feel like a big lame loser. Am I not outgoing enough? Am I boring? Am I scary? I don't know. It just amazes me how my friends always have a chick to call up and do activities with but I don't. It's like, nobody has me on their mind and I want to be on someones mind. It may seem like I am on peoples mind looking in from the outside. But it's not reality. People might hit me up on Myspace to see what's up with me, but that's only after I posted a bulletin or put up a new picture which generates brief attention. Otherwise my page will stay inactive from traffic. Which is fine....I don't really care for Myspace attention, but it is a form of communication and some people grab more attention than others. Like, this blog for instance. Not too many people read it, i'm practically typing to myself as if this were a journal/diary, and i'm alright with that as well, but of course, there are some people who will make a blog and end up having lots of followers out of nowhere. What I am saying might be stupid but who cares, this is how I feel.

I just want to be focused on. I want someone to really "miss" me and all of that bullshit. Of course people miss me, but not in a passionate way, or in a desperate way. I want to feel depended on....yeh.

Davis